Multicultural Funeral Practices: A Guide to Funeral Customs in Canada

As a country rich in different ethnic backgrounds, Canada is a nation of mixed religions and beliefs. Consequently, we may know someone - a friend or a relative – who follows religious practices different from our own.

Of course, it’s more important that we respect one another’s beliefs than to know in-depth what the other believes. However, there are times when a bit of knowledge can go a long way.

This brochure attempts to answer some of the questions you might have about attending a funeral with unfamiliar traditions. It provides a brief explanation of the funeral customs for some of Canada’s most highly practiced religions and beliefs.

Each religion has its own set of beliefs, practices and traditions. Each religion is a unique as its individual followers, and should be treated as such. While some religions impose few restrictions on their followers, others have very strict rules to which the faithful are expected to adhere without question. This is true of funeral and burial rites, as well as other aspects of worship.

Most people (regardless of faith) are tolerant of slight indiscretions. Although there is no right way to express sympathy to people who have lost a loved one, it shows great respect when you care enough to honour their beliefs. In fact, above anything else you might say or give, this one small concession of ‘learning beforehand’ may be your greatest show of love and sympathy.

A general guideline is to just trust your feelings. Although most of our outpouring of support occurs at the actual time of death, it’s important to realize that for those who have lost someone they love, grief continues long after that final rite of passage. Finding ways to be supportive during the period of adjustment after a death could be a great help.

Initially, however, knowing how different faiths conduct funeral services could make whatever form of sympathy you choose to express especially meaningful.

Bahai

Bahai view life one Earth as a preparation for life in the next world. They don’t encourage embalming as it interferes with the natural processes of decay. Cremation is forbidden. Burial must take place within one hour’s drive from the place where the death occurred.

As there are no clergy in the Bahai religion, the service is conducted by family or bahai members of the local spiritual assembly. Each service is unique, although each service requires a “prayer for the dead” to be given.

The service takes place either at a bahai chapel or at the graveside. Women and men sit together and no head covering is required. Mourners usually wear dark colours. Women avoid makeup. Guest should dress respectfully. According to their culture.

It is considered appropriate to send flowers and make memorial donations.

After the burial, friends are often invited back to the family’s home for a meal.

Buddhist

Buddhist funeral services vary considerably, depending on which country the believer is from. Most Buddhist funerals take place in a funeral home, not a temple.

Ritual chanting may begin at the placer of the deceased’s death and continue throughout the service. The evening before the day of the funeral, visitation (viewing the body) is held. Inside the funeral home, a table is set up with candles and incense, which will burn until the body is moved to a cemetery for burial or cremation. Food and incense are left on the table as an offering to the deceased and to the gods.

The family sits at the front of the room in which the casket is placed. Visitors greet them, offering their condolences, then go to the casket and bow. Well-wishers can either stay and sit for a while, or they may choose to leave. Although sending flowers and donations are not a Buddhist custom, it is acceptable to do so. There may be a white cloth or carpet on the floor in front of the casket. While the family wears white (the colour of grieving), friends often wear black. In the funeral home, shoes can be left on. Footwear is removed only in temples.

Some funeral home are equipped with special fireplaces in which people burn pretend money and/or paper images or material objects particularly meaningful to the deceased. This is to help the deceased on his of her journey.

The funeral service is held the following day and is traditionally conducted by a monk or a nun. Visitors are not expected to participate in prayers or chants. Men and women can sit together and are not required to wear a head covering. At the conclusion of the service, visitors come forward in groups and bow before the casket as a way of showing their final respect.

Either at the funeral home or at the cemetery, guests may be given an envelope which contains a con, for good luck, and a candy to help take away the bitter taste of death. It is usually preferred that the casket not be lowered at the cemetery in front of the family members.

After the service at the cemetery, family and close friends usually gather at a restaurant, where they share a meal

Catholic

There are many cultural variations in the practice of Catholicism, but there are also some constants. Anointing of the sick prior to death is usually considered important.

The body of the deceased is usually viewed in a funeral home and then transported to a church for a funeral mass.

At the funeral home, a Priest, or other designate, officiates over prayers. Visitors may join in or sit quietly; it is considered disrespectful to talk or leave. The prayers last about 15 minutes.

In church, Catholics genuflect before entering their pew. This is a gesture which non-Catholics should not imitate. The casket is usually closed at church and may be draped with a religious pall. The funeral pall emphasizes the fact that we are all equal in the sight of God. During the funeral mass, the priest will extend an invitation to those who should take communion. Everyone should rise and sit at the appropriate times. Also, if visitors are familiar with the hymn being sung, they may join in.

It is appropriate to send flowers, cards and to make donations to charitable organizations on behalf of the deceased. It is also customary for Catholics to obtain mass cards, which are displayed at the funeral home. These signify that a mass will be said in memory of the deceased. It is requested that those obtaining mass cards include a stipend to the church.

A procession to the cemetery will follow the mass, where a burial customarily takes place. While the Catholic church does not forbid cremation, it strongly recommends burial.

A reception at the church hall or a community centre usually follows the burial.

Hindu

Hindus prefer to hold the funeral rites before the sun goes down on the day of death. Traditionally, the first born son presides at the service with the Hindu priest.

The service is held at a funeral home. It is appropriate for flowers and donations to be sent, although this isn’t a part of the Hindu tradition. While mourners wear white, visitors are asked to wear subdued colours.

At the funeral service, the family may put flowers on the deceased. Sentiments vary depending on the circumstances of the death. If the person is old, he or she is regarded as being blessed, as having led a full life, and the soul is ready to return to God. As a result, there is little outward grieving at such a funeral. A thread may be tied around the neck or wrist of the deceased as part of the ritual blessing and should not be removed by family or well-meaning friends.

At the crematorium (all Hindu adults are cremated) another short service takes place. Deceased children are usually buried. Afterwards, the family is expected to enter a period of formal grieving which can last 13 days or longer (depending on their caste in society). At the end of that time, the family sponsors a feast for close friends and relatives.

The cremated remains of the deceased are usually taken back to India to be scattered in the Ganges River, or another method of final disposition may be chosen.

Humanist/ Non-Religious

Humanist refer to a funeral as a ceremony rather than a service. They see the event as a way of providing support and comfort to the living rather than as a ‘service’ to a higher being.

Humanist ceremonies are personal celebrations of an individual’s life. There are no rules on how to conduct them. Each ceremony is tailored to the taste and wishes if the family and to the personality of the deceased. They may involve music, poems, readings of favorite books, as well as short eulogies by friends. The content of these commentaries centers upon the ways in which the person’s life enriched and strengthened the lives of others.

Giving a gift of flowers or making a charitable donation is a proper gesture.

Islam

Muslims try to bury the deceased as soon as possible after the death has occurred. Typically, this is within 24 to 48 hours. Cremation is strictly forbidden.

A purification ritual takes place immediately. This cleansing ceremony is performed in private by appointed specialist who are of the same sex as the deceased. The body of the deceased is washed, wrapped in a shroud and will be placed in a simple wooden casket. The funeral service may take place at either a mosque or a funeral home. It is a simple ceremony and because of the Islamic belief that one comes into the world with nothing and should go out of the world with nothing, it is completely free of gifts of any kind.

At the mosque, men and women sit in separate area. It is appropriate for visitors to do so also. You may be expected to remove your shoes. Visitors are not expected to participate in prayers. As for dress, all parts of the body should be covered. This applies to both men and women. There may be colour restrictions.

Women are not obligated to attend the graveside service. They attend the graveside every week until the forty-day mourning period is complete. An Imam (Islamic priest) conducts the service at the cemetery to insure that the deceased is properly placed in the grave. The head of the deceased must be facing East so that the deceased may complete the directives of Allah.

After the burial, there is no formal reception, but it is appropriate to offer condolences to the family, though not necessarily right afterwards (the time varies with the wishes of the family). It is not appropriate to send flowers. However, memorial donations are acceptable.

Judaism

Jewish funerals take place as soon as possible after death, sometimes the same day. Embalming the body is considered disrespectful and the body is not put on public display. Well-wishers pay their respects by attending the funeral service at the synagogue or chapel, participating in the burial at the cemetery, and supporting the family during the week of Shiva following burial. Shiva is a time when the family can withdraw from its social and communal responsibilities in order to grieve.

While the observance of Judaism covers a wide range of practice (Orthodox, Conservative and Reform), the actual funeral services are very similar. Until burial, the focus of the funeral service is centered around the deceased. As a result, it is not appropriate to approach the family to offer condolences until the body is buried. (cremation is not permitted in traditional Judaism and, while it is tolerated by reform Jews, it is not encouraged.)

The funeral service may be conducted by a Rabbi and Cantor, although family and friends might also participate. The service, which lasts 12 to 15 minutes starts and ends with readings from Psalms. The main part of the service is the eulogy recounting the life and good deeds of the deceased.

At the cemetery, there is another short service. Visitors might be asked to participate by helping shovel earth over the casket.

Sending flowers is not a Jewish tradition. Instead, a donation to the family’s favorite charity or cause is considered to be a sign of honor and respect for the memory of the deceased.

Following the burial service, friends and well-wishers are invited to the family’s home, where they may partake in a meal symbolizing the notion that, even at this darkest time, life is precious and must be nurtured. During the week of sitting Shiva, friends are expected to visit the family to bring comfort and to share in their grief. On the anniversary of the death (Yahrzeit), a memorial lamp will be lit and the family will participate in prayers and acts of charity. A ceremonial unveiling of the memorial maker generally takes place with the first year after death.

Native Canadians/Aboriginals

Native Canadians do not have a single unidentifiable faith. They are peoples with diverse and rich religious traditions. The foundation of their deeply spiritual views are based on traditional beliefs and values. Native Canadian beliefs will often reveal a deep resect for their elders.

It is impossible to generalize about Native Canadian beliefs, for their values are related to their sense of sacred.

Many Native Canadians believe that death is the beginning of a journey into the next world. One’s spirit often needs help to make this journey. Consequently, strict rules often govern the behavior of the relatives of the deceased. Such rites ensure their loved ones a good start in their journey to the other world.

While Native beliefs assert that death is not necessarily the termination of life, the bereaved still mourn the absence from this life of the one who has died. It is improbable that you would arrive at the funeral as an “outsider.” It is more likely that you would be invited to attend the ceremony. It is important that you express your sympathy and empathy to the bereaved. Respectfully keep your distance and view the ceremony as a personal experience shaped by a community-based ritual.

Consult Family members of the deceased, band leaders or the funeral directors for appropriate protocol.

Orthodox

The funeral traditions do not vary greatly between Russian, Ukrainian, Greek, or African Orthodox, but obviously, language does. The funeral usually takes place three days after the death. The service is held at a church or occasionally at a funeral home. The evening before the funeral there may be a brief prayer service.

Flowers can be sent to the church, the funeral home or graveside as a sign of condolence. In addition, memorial donations are acceptable. At the funeral, the casket may be open. Incense, repetitive singing, prayers and candles may also be included in the service. The funeral service does not require visitors to participate; they need only come and listen. The church may or may not have seating, attendees may be required to stand during the entire service. It is appropriate to wear dark colours, including black. Men wear long sleeves and long pants. Women should wear skirts below their knees as well as long-sleeve blouses. It is customary for women to cover their heads, but it is not always practised, Dress is more formal when the ceremony is conducted in a church rather than in a funeral home. Cremation is forbidden.

After the funeral there is a wake, where a meal is held in memory of the deceased, out on by the family in either a hall or at the family’s home.

Memorial services are held in honour of the deceased. These are carried out nine days, forty days, three months, nine months, and one year after the person’s death. Subsequently, memorial services are held each year on the day of the person’s death, or the closest Sunday to it.

Protestant

There are a multitude of denomination within the Protestant faith. All revolve around the Christian theme that there is life after death.

Funeral services most commonly take place at a funeral home, although they may be held in a church. Mourners can visit the funeral home and pay their respects prior to the day of the funeral, usually within three days after death. The casket will probably be closed prior to the service.

It is appropriate to send flowers, cards and to make charitable donations in the name of the deceased. Although it is unnecessary for guests to dress in black or to cover their heads, it is expected that visitors dress respectfully. Dress is becoming more casual.

A Minister usually conducts the service; however participation by family and friends is increasing. Visitors are not expected to participate, although some services allow for Error! Hyperlink reference not valid.spontaneous eulogies to be given. The service may include sacred music, prayers, readings, a sermon, and benediction.

At the cemetery a crematorium, another shorter service, called the committal, is given. Afterwards, guests may be invited to a reception at the family’s home, a community hall or the funeral home.

Sikh

Funerals usually take place within 48 hours of death and are usually held at a funeral home, not a temple. While men and women sit apart in a temple, this is not the case at a funeral home. A head covering is required for both sexes.(A scarf is adequate for men and women.)

At the funeral services, passages from the Guru Granth Shaib (the Sikh holy book) are read and prayers are offered. Relatives and close friends are expected to recite scriptural hymns. The body of the deceased is then transported to a crematorium, where a similar service takes place.

Afterwards, everyone gathers at a temple, where more religious services are performed, followed by a meal. At the temple, shoes must be removed, a head covering is required, and men and women sit apart.

Sending flowers or a donation are both considered appropriate.

Unitarian/Universalist

Unitarianism grew out of the Universalist movement, a rejection of beliefs in orginal sin and punishing of God. The worth, dignity and truth in all human beings is affirmed by Unitarians through their services. Congregations may have ordained Ministers or will be lay-led by appointed chaplains. They see human life as part of the natural world, they tend not to believe in an afterlife.

Unitarians generally prefer simplicity in their practices related to death. Cremation is the most common method of disposition chosen and committal services are encouraged for the family. Memorial services, without the body present, are a more public celebration of the life of the person who has died. They are usually held within a week or two of the death, but may be postponed in order for the family and friends to gather. In congregations which have their own building, memorial services are held there; they may be held in funeral homes or other facilities as well. These services usually include music, appropriate selected readings, a eulogy and other personal recollections.

Dress at these services is informal. There are not colour restrictions. As for gifts, the death notice usually includes the name of the deceased’s preferred charity. Very often the service is followed by a reception.

Multicultural Aspects of the Grief Process

How to Support Someone through Separation and Grief:

1. Attend to basic needs: food, shelter, and safety. People are unable to address emotional; trauma laden experiences effectively if their basic needs are unmet.

2. Familiarize yourself with the unique cultural, political and domestic characteristics of their homeland and their length of residence within Canada.

3. Don’t judge their expressions, style of communication or experiences shared.

4. Contact is crucial. Visit as soon as you are able, and encourage them to reach out to you. Let them know you are available to them.

5. Physical touch can be a most powerful healer. Be aware of the cultural style for appropriate and acceptable touching, hugging and holding hands.

6. If they recently immigrated, encourage the reviewing and exploration of the events leading up to their departure from their homeland. Encourage the expression of feelings around this experience. Relay is important for working through the feelings of loss associated with separation and re-adjustment.

7. Be honest. Don’t pretend to know what they have experienced. Ask them to explain; seek clarification if you are unsure what they are talking about. This will convey your interest and sincerity in attempting to understand what they are going through.

8. Be sensitive to their unique needs, rituals, customs and beliefs. Wherever possible, provide contacts with services and support that may address their singular cultural needs. A sense of familiarity will promote feelings of safety and security and decreased anxiety.

9. Make a commitment of support. Know your limitations in providing assistance and support. Openly explain who and how you can help.

10. If you are unsure of what to say be silent. Your presence can be just as supportive as your words.

11. As healing progresses, gently work towards their integration within this new country. Some recent immigrants may have left their country under difficult circumstances.

12. If it is a younger person who has died, remember to consult both parents about their individual beliefs, for they maybe different.

13. Be knowledgeable about which may be available in the community. Consider making a referral.

14. Familiarize yourself with the cultural uses of rituals, rites of passage, herbal and medicinal cures, folk healers and other singularities. Remember, worship takes many forms.

On the subject of sending sympathy gifts, various religions hold different points of view. As a result, you may wish to adopt a non-secular approach, by sending a gift which all religions and faiths universally welcome.

Many times, people find comfort in making contributions to a charitable organization in memory of the person whom has died. In this way, they pay tribute to the memory of a friend, associate or relative and also help the living. Many medical, religious, fraternal or service club organizations have donation cards available. There may be a direct relationship between the organization that benefits and the person who has died, but not always. Memorial donations may be tax deductible.

This type of gift honours the memory of the deceased by providing Canadians with research, education, services, advocacy and hope.

It is hoped that this brochure has provided some helpful insight into Canadian Funeral customs.

It is impossible to include information on every religion or belief in a country as culturally diverse as Canada. This brochure is intended to be a basic guide for the reader who wishes to learn more about the appropriate behavior and expectations when attending the funeral of someone from another culture. The Ontario Funeral Service Association and the Lund Association have attempted to include as many religions and beliefs in this brochure as possible. For further details and accuracy, contact your OFSA member funeral director, a clery representative or a family member. Or contact the Ontario Multifaith Council on Spiritual and Religious Care (telephone: 416-240-9824).